I arrived back home yesterday for the Christmas period and have a stretch of three glorious weeks where I can be in my happiest place. Being in London for the past three months has been a bit of a wake-up-call for me. I struggled more than I thought possible, I have always been someone who gets restless, itches to travel on average every three weeks and gets irritated at being in the same place for more than seven days. London was supposed to be a good fit for me, I have so many friends there, I share my living space with lovely people but I experienced some of my lowest lows over the past season which has been harder for me to deal with than I thought. It’s necessary and still great, but home is home for a reason. So in an effort to bring a bit of thanks this side of the pond I wanted to share all the things that I have missed about being home with my family and I am sure many of you that have experienced fleeing the nest can relate, so here goes.
1. MOM ~ It would be impossible to try and fit in everything she does for me in a novel let alone a blog post. Little things like braiding my hair before I go to sleep (no I am not three years old but it still feels nice), asking me how I am feeling, making me tea and food better than I have ever tasted. She does it all. If I need iron tablets, a doctor’s appointment, need to put money in my bank account she is there for everything. No complaints. You just can’t put a price on that kind of love, it’s not the convenience but the reassurance that she is always there for me that I missed the most.
2. FAMILY ~ Generally, I get on with my family pretty well, we share similar interests and importantly the same warped sense of humour. I love them to bits. Like most millenials I hate speaking on the phone but being alone in a room in London feeling despondent calling my parents and speaking to my siblings made all the difference in the world. You don’t realise how important having a support network is, until you find yourself alone and struggling thrown into a new environment.
3. HOUSE ~ A weird and unexpected one but I love our house so much, when I first came back after a mere two weeks of being away I recall just standing in our bathroom and appreciating every inch of the space. Most of all I think that because it feels like mine and is the place I feel most comfortable is why I felt such a rush of love when I entered the front door. I have the same key from when I was in Year 7 with the same flat metal NASA teddy bear key ring and that familiarity and safeness is immediately like being ensconced in the world’s warmest blanket.
4. HABITS ~ I don’t know if you guys know this but I am renting a room via Spare Room which has worked out really great, it is super close to my campus and the rent is affordable. I like it there a lot and get on with my housemates well. But I still don’t feel like I can be myself, I am overly cautious and on edge at times because I am in someone else’s space. I constantly feel like a guest overstaying my welcome so I try and make as little noise and mess and inconvenience as possible. I can’t do the things that I would normally do at home, because I feel like I am being judged (this is most likely completely irrational bear in mind I am sure they don’t care, it’s just the way I feel).
5. FREEDOM ~ Leading on from my last point at home I am with my family and the security of that is immense. I can do stupid things and forget to take my mug downstairs and they don’t have the inclination to kick me out. I am free to be who I am because they know me, they like me and they love me. I don’t have to clean up after myself immediately if I don’t feel like it (even though I do prefer to) and no one questions me if I don’t leave the house for two days and I fucking love it.
The point of this post is I felt like Dorothy in Oz for a while, and the glamour, fun and chaos of London didn’t impress me much (Shania!). I hope one day I find a place for myself where I do feel at home, I really do. I would love to do a post on what it’s like living as a lodger in someone else’s place but out of respect for the people I live with and you guys because I do want to be brutally honest it might not be until after I leave. I can’t stress enough that they are beautiful, kind, understanding people and do their best to make me feel welcome. It is just me, I can be irrational at times and it is hard to feel at home in a temporary place. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you can forgive me for being such a flaky bitch. I am ready to bring the fire, have a great week. Take care.
What are your favourite things about your home?
Love ❤
Kiran