First of all, it has been half a year since I last posted and honestly I just haven’t felt like it. Even today, I was finally in the mood to post because I wanted to share a mask that I have been loving but as it turns out that mask is now discontinued so there is literally no point of me sharing it. I do still want to post and thought I would share a PR event I attended back in January and do a bit of a story time alongside it because it was a complete disaster and I felt so embarrassed and conspicuous. On the day of the PR event I went to work as normal and completely forgot it was going ahead, I had talked myself into going because it felt like a great opportunity and I had never been asked to attend a PR event in Birmingham before, all of my invites are for London which is further away from where I live. However, on the day because I forgot I looked awful, I was wearing an oversized jumper dress, Chelsea boots and a humongous furry grey scarf because it was freezing. On top of that, my hair was in a ponytail and my makeup was extremely minimal. At the end of my shift, I made the split decision to just get on the bus and go to this event I would likely learn a lot and I am sure it won’t be as bad as I imagine.
Oh boy, oh boy, was I wrong. When I got to the event, I was asked by several members of staff if I was sure I was attending the right event. Was it the press event or the public event I was after? I had to repeat myself numerous times and I was well aware that I looked like a bedraggled mess, explained that I had just finished work and apologised for the state I was in but that I had still wanted to attend the event because who knew if I would ever get this chance again, I never get invited to events normally and when I do I can rarely go due to other commitments. I attended the event and it was lovely, the table was beautifully set, there were sparkling clear mirrors that highlighted my every flaw and a photographer with a very scary looking camera taking lots of artsy shots. This was a massive mistake. Not only was I sitting right at the front because I was one of the earlier ones to arrive which meant I was sitting directly in front of the hosts of the event (Carrie Gross) but a lovely lady took us into a separate room to remove our makeup and give us a facial. Everyone at the event I want to stress was really lovely, the lady who did my facial was so nice to me and kept telling me to stop apologising, she asked me what foundation I used and generally just made me feel really good about myself.
I was generally quiet for the entirety of the event because of how embarrassed I was, everyone there (I am not joking) looked like supermodels. I was kicking myself and wished I had remembered the event in the morning because I definitely would have made more of an effort. In the end, I left with a bag of goodies, tried lots of wonderful skincare products and ate fried rice on my train ride home which was delicious. Thinking about the event even now is mortifying, I don’t think I will even step into Selfridges again for a while until the embarrassment wears off. The experience made me reconsider if PR events are really for me, I love meeting the people behind the brands and acquiring first hand knowledge of products, especially skincare, and attending the event really made me pay attention to what I was buying and what evidence there is to suggest that a product will actually benefit me and whether it is just trendy and not actually effective. On the other hand, I can’t deny the pressure I feel to look perfect or as good as I possibly can, of course that’s part of being in the beauty community and being a beauty enthusiast and I want to stress I utterly blame myself for what happened and I should have been more prepared. But the experience I had at this event and others is that I think that I would feel this way no matter what I am wearing, I just feel like I don’t belong. I wanted to share this in case others feel the same way, especially those who might be newer to blogging.
The realisation that this is a bigger internal problem that I have and that feeling this way prevents me from attending events and posting content and videos of myself is quite jarring and also scary, because I don’t know how to fix it. Exposure therapy is a major component of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and over the next month or so I want to get used to seeing my face on camera. I have a decent platform on several social media platforms and would love to be able to post an Instagram Story without feeling like I look or sound ridiculous. So that is my mid-year goal that I hope to get better at. If you guys have any tips on building confidence or getting used to how you look etc. please let me know and if you can empathise with the pressure to look a certain way in today’s society or in a specific community you are a part of I would love to hear about your experience. Not suprising to anyone, but the products that we tried at the event were great and all part of the Alpha Beta range. I haven’t used them consistently enough to post a review for them but if you want to check them out you can find them here: Pore Refining Serum, Universal Daily Peels, Pore Refining Cleanser. I watched this video by Whitney Hendrick called The Ugly Truth About Being Beautiful and it is well worth a watch and really thought provoking. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you have had a wonderful week and see you soon in my next post. Take care.
What are your thoughts and do you empathise or relate to this at all?
Love ❤
Kiran